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Defining My Character

The story I've been writing is no less than cathartic. Every word that I write feels deeply personal. 


Last week, I had to stop writing. I felt that my emotions were blurring my intentions for my story. 


To be honest, what were my intentions? I had the beginning and the end of the story in mind, but the meat of the story was left to be desired. I would write, then pause. My finger wanted to press delete so bad. 


 In my heart, I did not want to delete what I had written. I just wanted to avoid writing more. I did not want to face the feelings that were sure to come next. Those feelings had been inside of me for so long,I was unsure of what they might be. 


But, when you are developing a story with a character that will share the same image as you, there is always healing in tow. 


I do not want to be the artist that takes pleasure from their pain. I want to evolve, I want to grow. So, if I were to speak from personal pain, I needed personal healing. 


I stopped writing and decided to define my main character by taking the time to heal.  


Exhausted I got on my bed, and my eyes began to tear. When you never dedicate time to express your emotions they get so tangled that the source of your anger or joy can be indecipherable. 


 As I always do, I began to cheer myself up. Maybe I just needed a break from writing. 


Then enlightenment struck and I received it.